who I am and who I want to be
hello internet void,
my name is nik and I currently occupy a space on planet earth between the states of Minnesota and Wisconsin. I am geographically locked into this limbo due to family and responsibility. This isn't a bad thing, but it offers a narrow view of the world at times.
I am currently in my early 30s and I am at this present moment attending college. I am lucky enough to have an employer paying for my schooling, so that I do not have to worry about debt. Otherwise, I would have never been able to attend any sort of higher education. I'm pursuing a relatively useless degree, but I'm also going to school for mostly my own development and sense of accomplishment. Being out of my 20s, I've buried the idea that I'm working to get ahead of the curve and to find a high paying job that will land me a well respected career field that I can spend years working in.
Rather, I'm working on a sort of ronin lifestyle. maybe ronin sounds too tough and romantic. I'm really just trying to be happy. I'm a perpetual emo kid bound up in the body of an aging man (not that I think 30s are old), but I'm still a daydreamer and have hope for this weird world I inhabit. Sure, the dreams of being the frontman for some type of rock band has passed. In its place is my love of cameras, birdwatching, reading, learning to repair clothes, finding good thrift finds, and playing with my dogs. Those are somewhat more of the hobbies and leisure elements though.
I want to be Doug Bihlmaier meets Pete Wentz. I want to be slow and intentional, but with an edge of take this to your grave era fall out boy. I want people to know that I'm real and genuine, but also poetic and troubled, not for attention, but that life isn't always perfect. I'm still hopeful, and young at heart. That's the weird little life that I'm trying to carve out for myself amongst the bullshit and slop that plagues the internet. I still want validation, sure, but that's a conversation for my therapist. I'm trying to make up for lost time, time spent asleep in my apathy and just scraping by. I want to create the world and the vibes that I want to see outward. Unapologetic people being themselves in the face of an ever darkening world.
There's no point to any of this, and yet, it's the most important thing I've done in a long time.
xoxo - nik